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My boyfriend has looked up men wearing lingerie online. Is he gay? | Life and style

I have just found out from my boyfriend’s online search history that he has looked up men dressed in lingerie. Does this mean that he’s attracted to this? Or that he is not straight? I am really freaked out and confused.On the contrary: be thankful that you are with a sexually curious person who may also be wonderfully creative and experimental. Many men enjoy dressing up in female attire. This does not mean they are gay – cross-dressers can be gay, straight or bisexual. For example, some heterosexual men just really like the feel of female clothing – soft, silky and so on – and have erotic sensations while wearing it. Your boyfriend may also have been researching this out of a passing interest.

If you do discover he is drawn to it – or even has a strong fetishistic attachment to it – try not to feel threatened. It’s really OK – it’s just one of the many human variations of eroticism. People who like to cross-dress typically hide this interest because they fear judgment from others. Presumably you feel that you cannot discuss this with him until an opportunity arises that would not reveal you had been searching through his internet history. I recommend that if you were, say, to stumble upon visual cross-dressing material together at some point, that might be an ideal time to discuss the practice with him, in a totally nonjudgmental fashion. Relax. And do stop snooping!

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.

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