NOW, ANYBODY WHO EXPERIENCED A LOSS OF A PARENT — LET’S LISTEN IN… >> King Charles III: THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN, MY BELOVED MOTHER, WAS AN INSPIRATION, AN EXAMPLE TO ME AND TO ALL MY FAMILY AND WE OWE HER THE MOST HEARTFELT DEBT ANY FAMILY COULD OWE TO THEIR MOTHER FOR HER LOVE, AFFECTION, GUIDANCE, UNDERSTANDING, AND EXAMPLE.
QUEEN ELIZABETH WAS A LIFE WELL LIVED, A PROMISE OF DESTINY KEPT, AND SHE IS MOURNED MOST DEEPLY IN HER PASSING. THAT PROMISE OF LIFE LONG SERVICE I RENEW TO ALL TODAY. ALONGSIDE THE PERSONAL GRIEF THAT ALL MY FAMILY ARE FEELING, WE ALSO SHARE WITH SO MANY OF YOU IN THE UNITED KINGDOM IN ALL THE COUNTRIES WHERE THE QUEEN WAS HEAD OF STATE, IN THE COMMONWEALTH, AND ACROSS THE WORLD A DEEP SENSE OF GRATITUDE FOR THE MORE THAN 70 YEARS IN WHICH MY MOTHER AS QUEEN SERVED THE PEOPLE OF SO MANY NATIONS.
IN 1927 ON HER 21st BIRTHDAY, SHE PLEDGED IN A BROADCAST FROM CAPETOWN TO THE COMMONWEALTH TO DEVOTE HER LIFE, WHETHER IT BE SHORT OR LONG, TO THE SERVICE OF HER PEOPLES. THAT WAS MORE THAN A PROMISE, IT WAS A PROFOUND PERSONAL COMMITMENT WHICH DEFINED HER WHOLE LIFE. SHE MADE SACRIFICES FOR DUTY.
HER DEDICATION AND DEVOTION OF THE SOVEREIGN NEVER WAIVERED THROUGH TIMES OF CHANGE AND PROGRESSED, THROUGH TIMES OF JOY AND CELEBRATION AND THROUGH TIMES OF SADNESS AND LOSS. IN HER LIFE OF SERVICE, WE SAW THAT ABIDING LOVE OF TRADITION, TOGETHER WITH THAT FEARLESS EMBRACE OF PROGRESS WHICH MAKES US GREAT AS NATIONS.
THE AFFECTION, ADMIRATION, AND RESPECT SHE INSPIRED BECAME THE HALLMARK OF HER REIGN AND AS EVERY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY CAN TESTIFY, SHE COMBINED THESE QUALITIES WITH WARMTH, HUMOUR, AND AN UNERRING ABILITY ALWAYS TO SEE THE BEST IN PEOPLE. I PAY TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER’S MEMORY, AND I HONOUR HER LIFE OF SERVICE.
I KNOW THAT HER DEATH BRINGS GREAT SADNESS TO SO MANY OF YOU, AND I SHARE THAT SENSE OF LOSS BEYOND MEASURE WITH YOU ALL. WHEN THE QUEEN CAME TO THE THRONE, BRITAIN AND THE WORLD WERE STILL COPING WITH THE AFTERMATH OF THE SECOND WORLD WAR, AND STILL LIVING BY THE CONVENTIONS OF EARLIER TIMES.
IN THE COURSE OF THE LAST 70 YEARS, WE HAVE SEEN OUR SOCIETY BECOME ONE OF MANY CULTURES AND MANY FAITHS. THE INSTITUTIONS OF THE STATE HAVE CHANGED IN TURN, BUT THROUGH ALL CHANGES AND CHALLENGES, OUR NATION AND THE WIDER FAMILY OF REALMS OF WHOSE TALENTS, TRADITIONS, AND ACHIEVEMENTS I AM SO INEXPRESSABLY PROUD HAVE PROSPERED AND FLOURISHED.
OUR VALUES HAVE REMAINED AND MUST REMAIN CONSTANT. THE ROLE AND THE DUTIES OF MONARCHY ALSO REMAIN AS DOES THE SOVEREIGN’S PARTICULAR RELATIONSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY TOWARDS THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND, THE CHURCH IN WHICH MY OWN FAITH IS SO DEEPLY ROOTED. IN THAT FAITH AND THE VALUES IT INSPIRES, I HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP TO CHERISH A SENSE OF DUTY TO OTHERS AND TO HOLD IN THE GREATEST RESPECT THE PRECIOUS TRADITIONS, FREEDOMS, AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF OUR UNIQUE HISTORY AND OUR SYSTEM OF PARLIAMENTARY GOVERNANCE.
AS THE QUEEN HERSELF DID WITH SUCH UNSWERVING DEVOTION, I TOO NOW SOLEMNLY PLEDGE MYSELF THROUGHOUT THE REMAINING TIME GOD GRANTS ME TO UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTIONAL PRINCIPLES AT THE HEART OF OUR NATION, AND WHEREVER YOU MAY LIVE IN THE UNITED KINGDOM OR IN THE REALMS AND TERRITORIES ACROSS THE WORLD AND WHATEVER MAY BE YOUR BACKGROUND OR BELIEFS, I SHALL ENDEAVOUR TO SERVE YOU WITH LOYALTY, RESPECT, AND LOVE AS I HAVE THROUGHOUT MY LIFE.
MY LIFE WILL, OF COURSE, CHANGE AS I TAKE UP MY NEW RESPONSIBILITIES. IT WILL NO LONGER BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO GIVE SO MUCH OF MY TIME AND ENERGIES TO THE CHARITIES AND ISSUES FOR WHICH I CARE SO DEEPLY, BUT I KNOW THIS IMPORTANT WORK WILL GO ON IN THE TRUSTED HANDS OF OTHERS. THIS IS ALSO A TIME OF CHANGE FOR MY FAMILY.
I COUNT ON THE LOVING HELP OF MY DARLING WIFE, CAMILLA. IN RECOGNITION OF HER OWN LOYAL PUBLIC SERVICE SINCE OUR MARRIAGE 17 YEARS AGO, SHE BECOMES MY QUEEN CONSORT. I KNOW SHE WILL BRING TO THE DEMANDS OF HER NEW ROLE THE STEADFAST DEVOTION TO DUTY ON WHICH I HAVE COME TO RELY SO MUCH. AS MY HEIR, WILLIAM NOW ASSUMES THE SCOTTISH TITLES WHICH HAVE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME.
HE SUCCEEDS ME AS DUKE OF CORNWALL AND TAKES ON THE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE DUTCH OF CORNWALL WHICH I HAVE UNDERTAKEN FOR FIVE DECADES. THE COUNTRY WHOSE TITLE I HAVE BEEN SO GREATLY PRIVILEGED TO BEAR DURING SO MUCH OF MY LIFE AND DUTY. WITH CATHERINE BESIDE HIM, OUR NEW PRINCE AND PRINCIPAL SELLS — PRINCESS OF WALES I KNOW CONTINUE TO INSPIRE AND LEAD OUR NATIONAL CONVERSATIONS HELPING TO BRING THE MARGINAL TO THE CENTRE GROUND WHERE VITAL HELP CAN BE GIVEN.
I WANT ALSO TO EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR HARRY AND MEGHAN AS THEY CONTINUE TO BUILD THEIR LIVES OVERSEAS. IN A LITTLE OVER A WEEK’S TIME, WE WILL COME TOGETHER AS A NATION, AS A COMMONWEALTH, AND INDEED A GLOBAL COMMUNITY TO LAY MY BELOVED MOTHER TO REST. IN OUR SORROW, LET US REMEMBER AND DRAW STRENGTH FROM THE LIGHT OF HER EXAMPLE.
ON BEHALF OF ALL MY FAMILY, I CAN ONLY OFFER THE MOST SINCERE AND HEARTFELT THANKS FOR YOUR CONDOLENCES AND SUPPORT THEY MEAN MORE TO ME THAN I CAN EVER POSSIBLY EXPRESS. AND TO MY DARLING MAMA, AS YOU BEGIN YOUR LAST GREAT JOURNEY TO JOIN MY DEAR LATE PAPA, I WANT SIMPLY TO SAY THIS: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND DEVOTION TO OUR FAMILY AND TO THE FAMILY OF NATIONS YOU HAVE SERVED SO DILIGENTLY ALL THESE YEARS.
-Welcome, welcome, welcome to “The Tonight Show,” everybody. You’re here. You made it. Thank you for watching. Let’s get to some news. Well, guys, after more than half a century as Prince of Wales, 73-year-old Prince Charles has officially become King Charles III. Yeah, he’s now the oldest person ever to assume the British throne, but weirdly, he’s still too young to be a U.
S. president. Interesting. Interesting fact. -A little bit. -King Charles was previously known as the Prince of Wales, and now his son, William, will take the title. I don’t want to be that guy, but I get the feeling that there’s a little nepotism involved. Some news from here in the United States.
A new poll found that in a potential 2024 matchup, President Biden has a six-point lead on former president Trump. Yeah. The poll says, 8% Biden, 2% Trump, 90% other. Wow. -Anyone. That’s right. Trump is six points behind Biden. That’s right. Trump was so upset, that he had to dry his eyes with Israel’s nuclear secrets.
People were talking about this last night. It was the first NFL game of the season, and the Buffalo Bills beat the L.A. Rams, 31-10. -The big story was Bills star Von Miller’s haircut. Did you see this? Take a look at this. It’s a bold statement.
And the statement is, “elevator up.” I guess he went into the barber and asked for the PlayStation button. Seriously, the options on the barbershop wall must have been the business card from “Squid Game.” [ Laughter ] Did you guys see this? Before last night’s game, the new trailer for “Black Adam” starring Dwayne Johnson debuted in the stadium.
It was cool. But I was a little surprised at who they got to voice the trailer. Did you see it? Check this out. -Hi. I’m Vin Diesel, and this is Dwayne Johnson. Maybe you remember he used to be part of our family, but then he left that family, and you never leave the family. Now, he’s hanging out with all these super people.
I get you could say they’re like a different family. This helmet guy is like the daddy. Smoke lady is the mommy. Wing guy, he’s a friend, but he’s such a close friend that they call him Uncle, so he’s family. I guess he found a new family. Go see it in theaters, where you’ll also see a trailer for “Fast X,” another movie about family.
Trailers are like the babies of movies, which makes them family. -Very interesting. Great trailer. It looks good. -I’ll go see it. -It looks good. -Yeah. -Hey, guys, I read that on the new hit show, “House of the Dragon,” a few of the main characters are being recast as the series jumps forward about 10 years in time.
For instance, the actress who played the princess is changed from Milly Alcock to Emma D’Arcy. Yeah. This is true. And apparently, that’s not the only place where people are recast to look older. For instance, on “Stranger Things,” Will is being recast as Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis.
It’s older Will. -Wow, it’s older Will. -Yeah. Next, in the Marvel movie, Thor is recast as Willie Nelson. The new Thor. Next, in “Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power,” Elrond, the half-elf, is being recast as Pete Buttigieg. Next up, in “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law,” She-Hulk is being recast as Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Next up, going forward, Harry Styles is being recast as Elton John. You like that? Yeah, we love Harry too. Next up on CNN, Anderson Cooper is being recast as Wolf Blitzer. And finally, on “Euphoria,” Fez is being recast as Pope Francis.
And it’s just great. You won’t even know the difference. It’s going to be exciting to watch. It’ll be fun to see. Get this, guys. I saw that DC Comics has revealed that the Joker’s real name is Jack Oswald White. Yeah, pretty interesting. So I thought it would be fun right now if some of us here, me, Higgins, and the Roots, reveal our real names for the first time.
I’ll go first. My real name is… Devin St. Monroe. Quest, how about you? -My real name is… Bart Tomato. That’s cool. Never knew that. Tariq, how about you? -My real name is… Spunk. Chuck Spunk. -That’s cool. Higgins, how about you? -My real name is… Thomas Scrotum Jr.
Okay. James, how about you? -My real name is? You don’t want to know my real name. Okay. How much time do you get? I wasn’t like my other friends growing up. While they were playing tag, I was in the woods looking at bugs and trying to figure out how trees grow.
Sounds crazy? Well, welcome to my life. Wow, that’s his name? -I — That’s — That’s pretty cool, James. So, what is your real name? Thomas Scrotum Sr. Unbelievable. This is unbelievable. -Daddy! -Well, we got our real names.
Moving on, moving on, moving on, moving on. Please. -Too many balls in the air. -Oh. I don’t want to leave anyone hanging. Let’s go with the rest. Some business news — Uber Eats just announced that they’re going to start testing out driverless delivery.
Driverless delivery cars are incredible. They’re even programmed to say, “Wow, two orders from Popeyes in one day.” “What’s going on, Carl?” finally, passengers on a Carnival cruise woke up to a rough scene after plumbing issues caused some flooding.
Look at this. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s not good when you have to use the lifeboats inside the ship. Of course, the captain tried to spin it. He was like, “Did we say six water slides? We meant seven.” Yeah.
